A Guide to Female Linguistics

Have you ever stopped yourself mid-sentence and thought - I bet this is the wrong thing to say? Maybe you were in the middle of a clumsy compliment; maybe you tried to apologize for being late or volunteer some secret about your teenage years.

Men have been told for decades that they don't understand women; magazines are crammed with articles about male indifference and television shows drill it into our minds that words will always stand between men and women.

But it doesn't have to be like that. It takes very little to understand what a woman wants to hear and it takes more courage than practice to find those magic words you now believe you don't have.

Truth Is a Turn-on

Those awkwardly silent moments happen only because you are trying to say the right thing, and you're afraid you will fail. You're afraid that if you're just being yourself, she'll be disappointed.

Wrong.

Seeing, hearing the real you is the most delicious treat you can offer to a woman. Telling the simple truth is your very best bet. You don't have to try and be charming, or witty, or sophisticated. You already are. Forget about chat-up lines. They don't work. They all sound rehearsed, forced, fake.

You're looking at her - do you think she's beautiful? Do you like how she tilts her head to the side as she smiles? Do you think it's cool that she wears green nail polish?

Tell her.

No, I'm not encouraging you to point out all the little details you don't like. Telling the truth doesn't mean that you have to be hurtful. In the end, you want to get closer to her, right? We all like to be around people who see the best in us.

Speaking Is Listening

The odds are once she feels comfortable around you, she'll open up and return the favor - she'll tell you something true, something real. This is where your second most important lesson comes in: stop thinking about what you're going to say next. Just listen to her. Keep eye contact. If you really care about what she's saying, you'll know exactly how to respond.

Let's say she tells you she had a hard day at work. Don't make it about yourself and immediately tell her why and how your day was also hard. Instead, ask her why her day was difficult. Ask her what happened, ask her how she feels.

Sensory Overload

Talking about feelings may not sound like the sexiest approach. But it is. It creates intimacy. It establishes trust. It opens up the space for finding connecting elements between the two of you - music, movies, literature, TV shows, art, food, and travel - anything to do with your senses. When your senses connect, you will be drawn closer to each other.

The miracle of it all is that this works just as well on a first date as it does between couples who have been together for a long time. It works in person, on the phone, via email.

The truth will bring you the buzz. Enjoy it!

Written by Judith Wellner

www.judithwellner.com/Writing