Canny or Cunning?

Here you go ladies, are you fed up of that super-sized, or even undersized softie who falls apart at the slightest thing? Would you like him to man up and be the male he should be? Do you want him to be all flabby and squishy and a complete buffoon for your scheming ways? If so, stop now. The rest of you read on. After some 20 years of running around the world in a couple of different Special Forces and Bodyguard uniforms, one thing became clear, despite all its apparent harshness; survival training was actually a blast.

One finger wipe, really?

Due to the recent upsurge in survival type TV shows with the likes of Less Stroud and little Bear, these shows actually teach us that survival can be fun and most important here, masculine. Admittedly when my instructors would teach us to bite the heads off chickens and eat all manner of locally foraged beasties, I wasn't exactly thrilled. But looking back they were a ton of fun. Now, today's survival schools teach a very different gamut of skills all likened to the goggle box exploits that we all voyeuristically tune into every week. Why not consider this for the lovable slob currently occupying more space in your house than in your heart for a post Valentine's Day surprise?

Prince or Princess?

Get his unmanly backside off the couch and give him a little bit of what he should be! How about giving him some time with the guys in the woods, being scared shitless and loving you even more for it? I think given the state of men today, this is long overdue. Bonding with ex Special Forces and other outdoor types and learning to fend for himself will also bring out the essence of your man. No reaching for the remote here guys. It's work with an amazing sense of adventure. A little discomfort which will give him back his pride. He will return the great white hunter, just under a little blanket of adipose and hopefully less apathetic.

Just think on his return he'll be able to wow you with new found skills. He'll be able to fashion a club out of whatever is lying around and make a bed out of pine branches and car parts to have you on in an animalistic way you never knew he had in him. Under that over manicured sensitive exterior he has spent so much time cultivating in front of the mirror, beats the heart of a jungle warrior that just needs to be reawakened and set loose on the bored lovelies of this fair isle.

You want me to eat what?

Survival courses aren't as draconian as you think. It's all about education and camaraderie, giving him the skills to deal with harsh environments as well as everyday life. These are the skills he can take anywhere into any situation and really can shed a different light on how your man does things. It's not about roughing it, but self reliance and putting his mind to more use than programming the Sky box with upcoming episodes of "Am I a celebrity?..... Get me out of here!" The environment is friendly and inspiring. They actually want him to have a blast.

Incoming!

Day one is usually spent bonding and shelter building and learning the most important skill, not to panic, followed by the second most important skill, fire starting. Day two can be spent squeezing the gritty shit from worms and what you can and can't eat. Day 3 the man emerges triumphant!

You talking to me...? You talking to me...?

Don't worry girls he won't return like some spaced out 1000 yard stare Vietnamesque Christopher Walken type psycho damaged by his time "in country." He'll be a MAN! These courses run from £200 for the weekend warrior, all the way up to the Jungle adventure at £700. Come on ladies here's your chance to give Tarzan his chance at being the man you want. He'll be able to do some amazing things whilst changing that light bulb in a loin cloth.

The courses are run all over the UK in all environments and weathers. Pack his bag with boots and some outdoor wear, everything else can be rented for a tenner a day. They'll fix him up with all the best the environment can provide. So ladies sold yet? Or do you prefer him a pathetic, cry at reality TV shows about fat folks and sick dogs, unable to open a tin of beans without calling his mum type of lad? Would you like him to swing from the chandeliers in make-shift clothes whilst simultaneously giving you multiple orgasms at the same time fending off the local scumbags?


Check out www.survivalbushcraft.com for details of all their courses and ladies; let's get your man back to where he should be!

Written by Big Bear O'Toole.